It's always a party in Phifer 440

There's a reason I can't work in my office. As this photo shows, when I try to work there I am bothered by all sorts of people. Last week, I had been in for all of five minutes before this swarm of joy arrived to keep me company. Six people all at once. As Kim Bissell said, "it's asking a lot of you to entertain so many people so often." I couldn't agree more.

Rufus lets me know he's hungry

It's dinnertime dude. Feed me.

On Louisville's loss of ear X-tacy

When ear X-tacy announced its closing this week, it was sad, but not all that surprising news. The iconic Bardstown Road music store had made its financial woes of the past few years well known through a series of news conferences and online announcements over the past 12 months or so.

Though I'd love to go on a tirade about the evils that big box and online retailers present to local merchants, I won't. Not today anyway. I will however say this: If it hadn't been for ear X-tacy I may have never discovered Drive by Truckers, Bodeco, or My Morning Jacket, all bands that produce music which enriches my life every time that I listen to one of their albums.

Gone too is a place I was always proud to take non-Louisvillians to. ear X-tacy really was one of those places that made Louisville hip, and even--as their ads touted--a little weird. So thanks for the memories. And god help those Louisvillians who, now without a local music store that is willing to stock eclectic selections, are sentenced to lifetimes of purchasing MP3s recorded by Justin Bieber and the latest American Idol wash-up.

The basic guide to the (not so) many fashions of the University of Alabama

If US News & World Report used student fashion sense in any of their rankings, UA would be in big, big trouble. The students here are some of the most unfashionable and poorly dressed I've ever encountered. There is a complete lack of clothing creativity here and I am beyond tired of looking at the following outfits and articles:

1. The Sorority Special

Consists of: Norts (Nike shorts) and oversized t-shirt

This is by far the most popular and pervasive fashion statement made by the women on campus. I'm convinced that Nike must generate about half of its revenue in Tuscaloosa from the sale of these gym shorts which are not only great for workouts in the student rec center, but also for attending class, having dinner at a restaurant, grocery shopping, and myriad other activities. I sat down in a row of girls in my class one day and five of the six were sporting the Sorority Special look. The sixth said she would have been, but she had a job interview and didn't have time to change.

2. The Fratguy Deluxe

Consists of: short shorts (mid-thigh length, often pleated), tucked in polo shirt, dress loafers

If you're lecturing to a class of these offenders, beware - you may get an eye-full of more than you bargained for. One of my old students frequently complained about seeing her classmate's "entire undercarriage" when he crossed his legs. Not pleasant.

Dress loafers are the standard shoe choice with this outfit, but boat shoes are also acceptable to the Deluxe-look faithful. Polo-brand shirts are the rule here, but rebels may occasionally spit in the face of convention by mixing it up with a LaCoste or even Vineyard Vines shirt; collared and buttoned, of course.

3. The Teva sandal

Ladies, you're about one fanny pack shy of being institutionalized when you sport these awful things. You drive your dad's $50,000 Mercedes, I'm sure he'll buy you a pair of shoes that don't look like something geriatrics wear around the shuffleboard court at Happy Acres. I would suggest rounding up every pair of these and donating them to the needy. But I doubt the needy would wear them. I suppose that only leaves the option of burning them, which is an undertaking I would happily fund.

4. Plastic neon-color sunglasses and Costa Del Mar sunglasses + foam strap worn like a necklace

Really? I mean, really?

5. The Performance Fishing Gear (PFG) shirt

Great for fishing. Not so great for: class, a night out on the town, restaurants, bars, football games, the gym, or just about anywhere else that isn't on a boat with a fishing pole in your hand.

One of my students is on the fishing team - he probably fishes nearly every day, so I'll give him a pass. Everyone else needs to stop wearing these awful shirts soon. Like, last week.

I can't think of any place in America, save the few square miles that are the University of Alabama, that would find these shirts acceptable as an option for daily-wear. For the life of me I can't figure this one out. The photo doesn't show it, but the back of this shirt has a vent with mesh lining at about shoulder height. Stylin'.

That's it. I'm sure that there are some other awful fashion choices being made on campus, but these are the most heinous and frequent from what I can tell. Like so many other things in the south--e.g. dipping pizza in Catalina dressing, putting mayonnaise in eggs--I simply don't get it. But perhaps I'm not meant to.

Getting into character

I told someone the other day that I needed to "get into character" before the first day of class. When he asked me what character, I told him "Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High."

I'm not sure how many kids in that room are like Jeff Spicoli, but come hell or high water, I'll insist they be capable of giving at least a rambling, semi-coherent statement on the basics of the advertising industry by the end of the semester.

Otherwise, I'll be calculating how much of my time they've wasted and show up to discuss Intro to Advertising with them during home football game days.

Am I the only one who sees the lunacy in this?

We frequently hear about how badly US universities are hurting. There's no money for professor raises, year after year students are expected to pay more for tuition, and endowments are reeling from poor investment decisions. It's no wonder that the public education system in this country is not the envy of the world, as crazies such as Kurt Vonnegut suggested it should be.

The University of Alabama Board of Trustees this year approved a 9% increase for the 2011-2012 academic year. Students who are already struggling to attain a degree are now expected to go deeper into debt before entering an economy with few job prospects. The kicker is that the same board has also recently approved several Greek housing projects, which you can read about here. The gist is that a number of fraternities and sororities will be

getting new houses, one of which will cost nearly $12 million. Oddly, the university pays for these houses and is then paid back by the Greek organizations which reside in them. This is important because most sorority and fraternity members will argue that the university doesn't actually pay for the homes, but rather finances them for the groups. So really, they aren't losing that money, they're just tying it up for decades in housing that's only available to a select few.

I find this problematic for a few reasons. First, the university has demolished student dormitories to make room new Greek housing, which has caused a campus housing shortage. More importantly, the university is using tens, if not hundreds, of milli

ons of dollars to extend financing to organizations that are allowed to use whatever membership selection criteria that they deem fitting when inviting new members to join.

And whether or not any of them will admit it, race is very clearly one of those factors. Though it isn't written in any by-law, rule, or regulation, there is no question that the University of Alabama Greek system practices de facto segregation. If you really need evidence, I suggest you look at the Delta Delta Delta sorority's chapter photograph here. I've scoured that crowd for a non-white face but couldn't find a single one. Why am I picking on the tri-Delts? They're the ones getting a new $12 million house despite the fact that they already have a huge place to call home on sorority row.

I'm sure many people might find my assertion inflammatory. They'll likely claim I'm anti-Greek and out to badmouth the system (and by extension the United States of America (yes, it's an Animal House reference)). The fact is, I was in a fraternity during my undergraduate years. In fact, I was the president of that fraternity. I am still proud to tell people about my affiliation. That doesn't mean I'm proud of everything that transpired over the course of my active years in the chapter. I'm not. That's why I encourage current undergrad members to

consider the potential positive consequences of opening the doors of the chapter to those who are different, whether they are non-straight, non-white, non-religious, or non-whatever. I advocate for this because so many of my very favorite fraternity brothers are one or more of those things. However, I have yet to meet any Greek at UA who was even remotely receptive to such an idea. The status quo reigns supreme here.

Which is why I will be advocating that UA's non-Greek students demand better from their university and its Board of Trustees. Instead of financing multi-million dollar fraternity castles, the university should be investing to alleviate crowding at computer labs, dorms, dining facilities, and the Rec. The university should be investing in procuring the best and brightest professors, grad students, and staff. The university should look for ways to prevent yet another tuition increase. Any of those things would be money better spent than constructing mansio

ns for groups that aren't open to all UA students.

The soon-to-open 27,000 square feet ATO house at UA.

December through February, a photo essay

Here's the end of my 2010 and the start of my 2011 in eight pictures:


Rufus and I had quite the adventure driving to Louisville for Christmas. We had to stay in a sleazy Days Inn somewhere in south Kentucky because the interstate was covered in snow. Fortunately he had a sweater to stay warm while he played in the snow for the first time in his little doggie life.

I offered to replace the burned-out bulbs at my grandma's, but my aunt informed me that they weren't actually burned out. Grandpa insisted that five bulbs "burned too much juice" so three of them were unscrewed enough not to come on.

I got these awful sheets as a gag gift and felt guilty throwing them away without using them at least once. Unfortunately, a classmate saw me putting them into the dryer at the laundromat, which was uncomfortable for all. I did use them for one night and then promptly put them in the trash where they belonged.

This was a somewhat strange sight in Publix during January. I thought that maybe they were selling some type of adult magazine, but when I turned one around, I saw this:

Apparently anything featuring Auburn's football team is akin to nudity in Tuscaloosa.
This was the scene outside moments after the university shut down the campus and canceled classes for snow. I barely made it home that day. (Due to some great drink specials at the bar I stopped at on the way to my place, not because of the snow.)

I dare anyone to find a cheaper human being than Gyro Newman. He wouldn't even pay a dime to print a sign to direct students to his study. Instead, he hand-made this jewel.

So that's the past three months of my life. Ridiculous as usual. Now I should stop procrastinating and finish some school work.

Email to my class

I always shut and lock the door at 9:30 sharp when my media class starts. All of the late arrivals have to wait outside until I let them in, which is usually accompanied with some acerbic comment about getting to class on time, being responsible, etc.

Today, I was two minutes late to class because I was upstairs gabbing. One of those little turds had shut and locked the door on me, which was probably the ballsiest, funniest thing a student has ever done. The whole class was laughing at me and refused to tell me who did it. I would have shaken his/her hand for doing it, but there seemed to be a pact not to tell.

So I sent an email out to all of them with the enticement of extra credit for snitching. We'll see if I get any information. Here's the message:

Class,

I'm offering a reward of five extra credit points for information leading to the identification of the student who shut the door on me this morning. Any email or other correspondence will be kept in the strictest confidence. Whoever did it won't be punished, but probably will be publicly ridiculed at my convenience.

I know there has to be a rat or two among you who would be willing to sell out a classmate to help yourself. Remember, there's no honor among thieves.

Have a great weekend.

Peace,
jc